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admin 10/12/2021

Hey, Jamie.

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First things first: there are all of two or three countries in the world where it's even lawful for you to have intercourse at your age, and in most places, many other kinds of sex. If you're writing in from the states, there is no state in which you're at the age of consent. However you may feel about these laws, they exist, and it's generally very unwise not to abide by them, especially given the cultural climate when it comes to teens and sex. If your partner is over the age of consent, or worse still a legal adult, he could be looking at some very serious criminal charges. So, personally, I'd advise you to wait on sex until you're legal. It also is often pretty difficult for someone your age to get things like the sexual healthcare you need and birth control, or abortion services or pre-natal care in the event of an accidental pregnancy, so until you're in a place and of an age where you can always get those basics when you need them, it's really best to hold off.

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Same goes for having the kinds of interpersonal negotiation and communication skills that it usually takes most folks longer to get a handle on than in the first 13 years of their lives. Sex always keeps, and it's always better (emotionally, as well as just for our enjoyment) when we only have it when we've got all we need to have it safely and soundly.

Which isn't to say I'm not going to answer your questions.

Could someone be in so much pain from first intercourse that they're screaming? They could. Everyone's pain threshold is different, and there are a bunch of different conditions that could make first intercourse strongly painful. (Suffice it to say, if your cousin's girlfriend also really just didn't want to be having intercourse, it would be normal for her to be screaming.)

Here are some common reasons why that could happen:

  • Some people with vaginas have vaginal coronas (hymens) that are on the thicker side, which can sometimes lead to pain during intercourse. Same goes for a person with a vaginal corona that is not thick, but which a partner roughly tears because of not being very gradual in the kinds of sex they're having, and not STOPPING when a partner is in pain and checking in with them.

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  • If a person with a vagina has intercourse for the first time (or any time) and is very nervous, scared, unaroused and anticipating pain, their vagina won't change in the way it does when we're relaxed, aroused and anticipating pleasure. When we're feeling good and okay about intercourse, when we're aroused, our vaginal openings and canals loosen and lubricate, making intercourse (if we want that) pleasant, rather than painful. But if we are NOT, then the vagina is going to stay 'tight' and dry and clamp down, so someone pushing something into it is going to hurt. And if we don't have a good history of masturbation and other, less invasive sexual activity to KNOW when we're aroused and our genitals are doing what they're supposed to for sex to feel good, that's more likely to happen.
  • If a person with a vagina and their partner don't communicate well about sex, don't have a good basis for that communication before, and/or their partner just isn't paying attention to their communication, and/or is being too forceful or impatient with intercourse, it can hurt. Suffice it to say, for women being raped, intercourse often hurts.
  • If a person with a vagina and their partner, especially the first few times, aren't taking PLENTY of time to engage in other sexual activities for her that are not intercourse -- things like receiving oral sex, or clitoral stimulation with fingers or a toy, petting, 'dry' humping, what have you -- right before intercourse, it's less likely to be pleasant. Too, trying intercourse without using plenty of latex-safe lubricant with your condom is more likely to create pain

Here is a link which goes into more about why intercourse or other vaginal entry can be painful and how to avoid that: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse. I'd also like you to read about why -- not just because of age or anything else, but just because of pleasure -- it can be a good idea to put off intercourse for some people: Yield for Pleasure.

You say you know vaguely what the deal is here, but legal and age issues aside, I'd love for you to be much more informed than that when making these choices for yourself: I'd love it if you could feel more like an expert before taking this step.

So, here is a nice pile of links I think will help round out the information you have, and give you a good foundation to get started with. With more information, you're better equipped to know what the right choice is -- whatever it is -- for you right now, and to have the right things in your pocket to talk to a partner about long before having sex with him.

Visual Acuity: What is 20/20 vision?

20/20 vision is a term used to express normal visual acuity (the clarity or sharpness of vision) measured at a distance of 20 feet. If you have 20/20 vision, you can see clearly at 20 feet what should normally be seen at that distance. If you have 20/100 vision, it means that you must be as close as 20 feet to see what a person with normal vision can see at 100 feet.

Having 20/20 vision does not necessarily mean you have perfect vision. 20/20 vision only indicates the sharpness or clarity of vision at a distance. Other important vision skills, including peripheral awareness or side vision, eye coordination, depth perception, focusing ability and color vision, contribute to your overall visual ability.

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Some people can see well at a distance but are unable to bring nearer objects into focus. This condition can be caused by hyperopia (farsightedness) or presbyopia (loss of focusing ability). Others can see items that are close but cannot see those far away. This condition may be caused by myopia (nearsightedness).

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A comprehensive eye examination by a doctor of optometry can diagnose what is affecting your ability to see well. In most cases, your doctor of optometry can prescribe glasses, contact lenses or a vision therapy program that will help improve your vision. If the reduced vision is due to an eye disease, you may be prescribed ocular medication or another treatment.

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Visual Acuity FAQs

What does 20/20 vision mean?

20/20 vision is normal vision acuity (the clarity or sharpness of vision) measured at a distance of 20 feet. If you have 20/20 vision, you can see clearly at 20 feet what should normally be seen at a distance. If you have 20/100 vision, you must be as close as 20 feet to see what a person with normal vision can see at 100 feet.

Does 20/20 mean perfect vision?

No. 20/20 vision only indicates the sharpness or clarity of vision at a specific test distance. Other important vision skills, including peripheral awareness or side vision, eye coordination, depth perception, focusing ability and color vision, contribute to your overall vision ability.

Is 15/15 vision better than 20/20 vision?

No. 15/15 vision means normal sharpness of vision at 15 feet, just as 20/20 indicates normal sharpness of vision at 20 feet. For onsistency, doctors of optometry in the United Sates use 20 feet as the standard for measuring sharpness of vision. Other countries express visual acuity in their own way. In England, for example, doctors of optometry express visual acuity in meters (6/6 is considered normal).

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Why do some people have less than 20/20 vision?

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Many factors affect visual acuity. Vision conditions, like nearsightedness, farsightedness, or astigmatism, or eye diseases affect clarity of vision.

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Will clarity of vision vary with distance?

What If You & Me PDF Free Download

Some people can see well at a distance but cannot bring nearer objects into focus. The condition can be caused by hyperopia (farsightedness) or presbyopia (loss of focusing ability). Others can see items that are close but cannot see items that are far away. This condition may be caused by myopia (nearsightedness).

If my vision is less than 20/20, what can I do?

In a comprehensive eye examination, a doctor of optometry can diagnose what causes, if any, are affecting your ability to see well. In most cases, your doctor of optometry can prescribe glasses, contact lenses or a vision therapy program that can help improve your vision. If the reduced vision is due to an eye disease, your doctor might prescribe eye medication or another treatment.